(Originally from my 40th birthday set of posts, 8 years ago now)

The trivia question on screen, before the movie started, was, “What classic 216 minute film features no women with speaking roles?”

I said, “I don’t know, but I bet it was a damn fine film!” This caused my not-date to be faux-offended. It turns out, the film is Lawrence of Arabia. So, I was right, it is a damn fine film. When she protested, I made her a bet, she couldn’t go 216 minutes without talking. $10. She accepted. It was about 5 minutes before the 2 hour long movie we were going to see started, so she spent it charading whatever she wanted to say. Most charades begin with middle fingers, right?

About 15 minutes into the film, she moves in her seat, bumps my arm, and says, “Sorry.” Then immediately gasps, realizing she just lost the bet. She begins frantically miming, holding up 2 fingers, then making a O with her fingers. So, we go double or nothing. And I try not to laugh loud enough to disrupt the other movie goers.

Eventually the movie ends, she’s still charading everything she wants to say. I suggest we go across the street for ice cream. It’s really obvious we’re goofing off to anyone that sees us. We can’t stop laughing, she’s constantly trying to get me to guess what she’s signing. When we get into the ice cream parlor, I announce I have to go to the restroom and tell her to order. She shoots daggers out her eyes at me. When I come out, she’s actually ordered, and the guy at the cash register is laughing too. He told her she could talk, and he wouldn’t tell, but she didn’t. I think the menu had numbers, so ordering wasn’t too hard.

So now we’re sitting out on one of the few heavily foot trafficked roads in Louisville (Bardstown Road), eating our ice cream with another 30 minutes or so to go in the now risk free bet for me. She decides to start telling me something via charades again, and I just start blurting out random things. I remember, “An Elephant! With a Hat!” At this point, she gets the giggles. The absurdity of the scene is pretty apparent to everyone around. Her giggles start making other people laugh. She’s trying to not actually make noise as she’s giggling. And then, the inevitable. A loud, clear “stinky cheese”, “trouser trumpet”, “mouse on a motorcycle” escapes from her. The look of horror on her face is priceless. I would gladly have paid the bet right then and there. The laugh was worth so much more than $10.

But, she was adamant. She wasn’t going to do it. There would be NO talking from her until the clock ticked the 216th minute. I was driving when that minute ticked by, and she punched me, hard. Called me an asshole and then laughed some more.